Torn

"We pish you a merry kissmas, we piss you a merry kissmas, we piss you a merry kissmas and a papy new ear"

Sung very loundly by Dora at 22.30hrs last night.

I didn't know whether to:-

1) Ignore her and hope she would eventually drop off to sleep

2) Enter her bedroom and tell her to stop singing and to go to sleep

3) Enter her bedroom and teach her to sing it properly


I opted for 3 - only to be told:-

"No Mummy, you are wrong. This is how we sing it at my nursery"

I think I need to go to next weeks sing & sign session - I'd love to see the Makaton signs for that one!!

I then opted for 2!!!

Wound up, button pushed, now spinning!

My 3 year old is driving me insane!

Let me rewind.............. Lola is a child of habit. She thrives on routine, structure and boundaries. She really does not cope well with change, don't get me wrong she is adaptable in many areas - but when it comes to home life, keeping the status quo with Lola is a must!

7 weeks without Mr M and boys, of running all over the place juggling work and nursery, 7 weeks of very early starts and extremely late finishes has taken its toll on all of us.

I love my girls, but right now I really do not like Lola very much. More specifically I really do not like the constant whinging, the persistent demanding, the stubborn defiance she displays at every request I make.

I'm at breaking point tonight, I just want my husband home, my boys back and my little girl to behave!

toothless

Someone certainly is!

Let me start at the beginning....

I was on the telephone to my friend A earlier this evening. We were having such a laugh at her youngest son -who had lost a tooth and became most disgruntled when the tooth fairy forgot to pay him a visit. He was so unhappy that he decidid th write to said tooth fairy to tedll her exactly what he thought of her tooth collecting ability. It really was comical - especially given that this child is such a serious little boy, who thinks everything through.

Anyway, I end the call and walk into the kitchen to be greated by................................................


.................................... A huge great Molar sitting in the middle of the floor!

When I say a huge great molar, I actually mean a regular sized molar, but for effect I changed the description!

Picture me, tongue rapidly checking that I have all of my teeth (yes, you'd have thought I would have known if I'd lost one without having to check!), me holding the girls almost upside down and checking that they had not lost a tooth - which neither of them had.

So I'm stumped. I have no idea where the tooth came from or how it got to be on my kitchen floor. But wanted to share my little bit of spookyness with you all!

Answers on a postcard please!

Rejected and angry

It has been four weeks since the boys said goodbye to Mr M.

It has been four weeks since I dropped them off at school and said 'see you soon'.

I've had no contact with the boys since this day and my heart is truly breaking.

Never in the last 9 years have I gone longer than 2 weeks without seeing them. They have been a constant part of my life and I a constant part of theirs.
Lola is in a bit of a state emotionally this week, I know she is stressed as her eczema has flared up. Being 3 she can't understand why Daddy and the boys have had to go away. She has spoken to Daddy - who's thousands of miles away- on the phone, yet we've not managed to have any contact with the boys and they are only the other side of the city!

Cruella has really pulled the punches this time - I'm on the ropes and out for the count.

I feel so angry at Cruella for doing this to us. More importantly I feel so rejected by the two boys that I have raised as my own for the last 9 years.

I know that Cruella will have made it clear to them that they are not coming here - end of story. And I know that she will not encourage them to get in touch with us at all.

But I am finding it really hard to stomach that the boys have not sent a text message (when I topped their phones up with £45 last week) they have not sent an email when I know they have Internet access, and they have ignored all the messages I have posted for them on *facebook* - when it is blatantly obvious that they are on line.

I'm beginning to wonder just how much influence Cruella is having on the boys and I am praying that this lack of contact is not their decision - it will truly break me if it is.

Singleness

Is it even a word?

Today I think I am suffering from a very severe bout of it!

• I pumped in bed this morning - something I never do when Mr M is there.
• Microwave Chicken Tikka & Rice for one this evening for tea, in the lounge no tray or knife
• Watching the trashiest TV programme ever
• Kitchen bin needs emptying -just realised it doesn't do it itself!

I think I've got a bit of adjusting to do!

You bet your arse I am!

Pity party over.



I am blessed - well and truly, beyond anything I have ever hoped for or imagined.

For all that I have and for all that I am - I am thankful every minute of every day.

Sometimes it's hard to see the woods for the trees, I guess I need to remember what I do have and try to stop torturing myself about what I could have, should have, would have.

You have permission to kick my backside if I start to slack again!!

For I am blessed?

I've often wondered what I have done to deserve much of the sh*t I've faced over the years, I think until I am tired thinking - yet still I can not think of any reason as to why I have been blessed* in such a way.

Take my first husband Mr H..... I was 14 years old and as innocent as you like when I met him. I did everything a good, respectful girl should have done. I became a nurse, paid my taxes and yet still I was blessed* with that Bast*rd.

Then there's Cruella, I must have done something really terrible to have her in my life? Nope, I cared for her babies when she couldn't be bothered to, I supported her ex-husband who she had broken, I supported her financially and cleared her debts so she could sit on her fat arse whilst I looked after her boys. As to why I should have been blessed* with this person remains a mystery to me!

Finally there are the in-laws, or as I like to say - The Outlaws! Lordy, lordy me! What the fuck did I do to deserve them? I've cooked, cleaned, decorated and practically run myself ragged for them. I've supported their eldest son to become the fantastic father, husband and individual he always should have been. I've nurtured their grandsons and forgive me for boasting, but done a pretty fine job! I've given them two gorgeous grand daughters and never asked for anything in return. Do I have the right to be angry when they fail to turn up for Mr M's leaving celebration? Do I have the right to feel cheated when they buy Woody a birthday gift and show up 3 days early to give it to him, then bring Dora's along 2 weeks late - unwrapped? Should I be truly pee'ved when they can not find it in themselves to offer me support in any way shape or form whilst Mr M is away, yet they demand that he utilises his 30 minutes a week telephone contact on them?

You see I'm not one to boast or gloat. I'm not one to relish in my own glory. But forgive me on this occasion if I indulge myself - just a little - a rub your nose in telling you how I am Blessed*